i am grateful

These past few weeks have been difficult for me. I am not enjoying motherhood right now, and that makes me sad. It just seems like every day is a struggle. I love my children, but I know that I should not be doing this alone. I have always had a hard time being happy in the moment. It always seems so greener on the other side. With school out, I am finding too much time on my hands to think, and that isn't usually good. I just don't want to do it anymore, and that isn't an option. I do know that life is not meant to be easy, that we all aren't happy all the time, and that we are here to learn and grow. Trials are a part of life, the part that helps us learn and grow. But it is sooo dang hard right now. I think I am too hard on myself, and expect too much. I can never live up to those expectations. I'm struggling with kids who are starting to voice their independence and don't want to listen to me. Well. I know I will be okay. It's just something I know. I will learn and grow from these challenges and only come out stronger on the other side. It's just these dark days in between that make me wonder if I'm strong enough! The other day I had to sit down and list out all the blessings in my life. There are so many!

I am grateful for:

three healthy kids
being able to 'grow' three healthy kids in my belly! and having zero complications
my job
the awesome people I work for
the awesome people I work with
a steady income that I can depend on (finally!)
a SUPER visiting teacher and friend who helped me find and get this job
this nice cozy home we have to live in with a yard and citrus trees
great neighbors who care about me
a car that runs and that is paid for
my family. a mom and dad who would do anything for me
my health
a great neighborhood full of kids for my own to play with
summers off
taking my kids to work with me and bringing them home at the end of the day
having the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life
a mom who taught me to be faithful
a dad who taught me to be honest
the Savior and his unconditional love
the temple
being only 5 minutes away from the temple
the Book of Mormon
those who came before me and sacrificed so much
a getaway in the mtns, that we can escape to whenever we need
my college degree and parents who encouraged me to keep at it
that I have been able to lose 47 pounds!
an awesome landlady who lowered my rent this year
swimming pools and the discounted family pass
GOOD friends who have not let me go...i am not such a good friend...and continue to love me
the ability to support my family
bicycles
prayer and answers to prayers
a warm, cozy bed
hot water
RAID (bug spray)
a super ward family
books to read
journals to go back and read and laugh about my life
my piano skills
old 'friends' who show up and turn my life upside down


I could keep going on and on. I have so much in my life and so many reasons to be happy. I am going to try harder to smile and be happy. This life hasn't turned out QUITE how I expected, but does is ever really for anyone? I think not.

oh what do you do in the summertime.....

we head to the pool!

Isabel jumping off the low diving board.

Jacob off the low dive, he's a great diver!

Sofia off the high dive. My kids are fearless...haven't inherited the scared of heights gene from me. I can't jump off the high dive for the life of me!

Sofia

Isabel waiting her turn.

and taking her turn.

Sofia and Jacob both on the high dive.

Sofia waiting her turn while Jacob executes a perfect dive.

5 minute safety break at the top of each hour. We were waiting patiently to go back in.

on the road again...

Traveling back to the valley of the sun after our week in P-town. Jacob found the camera and took a few photos.

Sofia usually sleeps the whole way. Takes her about 5 minutes once we start, then she is out. Which is good because she is my carsick kid. I'm noticing that Isabel doesn't have her seatbelt on here. Uh-oh! We always wear seatbelts, I missed this one. Do you like what they do to their baby dolls?

Jacob is my navigator, or co-pilot. Makes sure I don't get lost.
Peace.

Jacob wanted a picture of my silver nails. It was hard to return to Mesa, after a cool week in the pines. I miss my family. But much work to be done here, it will keep me busy and out of my head, hopefully!

dress up

nothing more fun than getting out the dress up box and playing! i really like the gun, she is a gun slinging dancer?

Woodland Lake Park

fun on rim road.

When my mom and dad returned from their 2 years in Alaska, they brought these fun things with them! We had so much fun riding them the week I visited. Usually took them down Woodland Lake Road, through some new neighborhoods, and onto Rim Road. I LOVE the wind in my hair, the bugs in my face, the dirt in my eyes bothering the heck out of my contacts! LOVE IT! Good times.

I usually followed my sister Jenny, which explains the dirt in my face, because she knows the roads, knows where to go and has no fear. I am a great follower.

Rim Road, where we mostly rode. Beautiful!

hiking in p-town

covered bridge at woodland park. a 15 minute walk through the woods from my moms house.

Someone built some sort of fort at the park. cool!

Kids at Woodland Lake.

Walnut Creek trail. behind my parent's home

playing in Walnut Creek.

Walnut Creek

Thanks Jen for the use of your tevas!

Isabel likes to bring along her 'friends' whenever we go hiking/walking! This special friend would be rainbow brite, whom I used to play with.

We heard some turkeys gobbling, and sure enough on the porch of this house there were two of them. Do they make good pets, or do you think these are for Thanksgiving?

Sofia climbs everything!

Walnut Creek trail and rainbow brite!

My little family.

lake mtn lookout

My dad took us to the Lake Mountain lookout tower on Memorial Day. It is a fun drive on a dirt road through the woods. About 30 minutes from his house. I like those kinds of drives...out in the country, dirt roads, no people. The tower is pretty tall, the box at the top, pretty small! I don't really enjoy climbing the tower since I'm so afraid of heights. Takes all I have just to climb to the top, climbing in the room at the top is ridiculous! I have to close my eyes and I start to move very slowly, trying not to panic. I always hoped I would outgrow my fear of heights, but don't think that will happen. The kids did great, loved it and were rewarded with a bag of forest service goodies for kids from the ranger at the top. The views were incredible. Could see forever. Was a pretty clear day. Worth it, but just barely!

Lake Mountain Lookout sign
the tower
another view

climb at your own risk...nice!

The kids going up

Isabel climbing into the box at the top.

great views.

Jacob, Sofia and Isabel in the tiny room at the top.

signing their names in the 'guestbook'

and going down....

and down!